Trey and I just registered for the JRNI Catalyst Intensive coaching certification program, which starts October 20th. Just this step, alone, has sent ripples of positive change into the universe but inevitably, fear and doubt seep into my thoughts. WTF?!? I KNOW this is the right direction! It has been proven to me and it has settled into my bones. So why on earth am I feeling scared? I feel inadequate and underqualified. Why, in the midst of accomplishing my life’s dream, are these feelings creeping in?
Now I must preface this by saying I am NOT giving up or backing down or even slowing my pace, because I know these are just thoughts. These thoughts are just some residual bullshit thinking from my past, when my dreams were either laughed at or shrugged off by my dad, or when a few judgmental or skeptical “friends” made hurtful comments about me trying something new or chasing a dream. Too often I would listen to them instead of following my gut and doing what felt right for me. (If you think I am talking about you, you’re probably right.) The problem was I believed those people, and so their negativity became my truth!
These are all normal feelings that people have when they put themselves out there and take a leap in a new direction, but for years I didn’t have the tools necessary to see that clearly. I only knew that those shitty self-saboteurs living in my brain would often yell and call me a dumbass, a flake, or a silly-hearted dreamer, and plead with me to be more responsible, safer, and follow a more “normal” path – whatever the fuck that means!
The self-saboteurs started yelling at me again when I first posted on Facebook about Evolve. It was as if I was standing naked before everyone, baring my soul. I worried about people thinking, “Who does she think she is, coaching people to overcome obstacles? Who is she to give advice? I knew her back when she was” blah, blah and more blah! There will always be those who will discount my ambitions, my goals and dreams because they think they know me. But I am willing to bet for every person that doubts me, there are ten others out there cheering me on! They cheer because they see who I am now. They know me now; they know the person I am today and what I’ve been through to get here. And they can see the potential that Evolve has to help people who struggle with these same things – the judgement of others, self-doubt, fear, guilt from past mistakes. Look! Who you were yesterday doesn’t mean shit to anyone except those who feel stuck and too fearful to take action towards their own goals! People who knew you yesterday will think they know you today, and they don’t because you get to choose who you are going to be every day you wake up! Don’t ever forget that!
As far as Evolve, Trey and I didn’t just come up with this idea on a whim. This idea formed over time. It came from suggestions made by several individuals we both know and respect who felt that our experiences, our stories, and insights, combined with our talents and intense desire to help others, would be of value to people. We want to pass on what we have learned as we continue to evolve so that others might benefit.
So – the story I choose to tell myself at this precise moment, is that I AM worthy, I AM qualified, I AM capable, and I AM successful! I can see it! I can visualize myself in a beautifully decorated, soft, comfortable room, pictures of my family on my desk, and I am sitting next to someone on a comfy sofa. She is trying desperately not to listen to the shitty self-saboteurs yelling in her brain. She is standing in her own way and I am helping her see that and break through it. I know it’s possible for her and I know how to guide her with my experiences acting as the navigation system. I am wearing a sweater – an oversized, soft, black, cashmere sweater along with big bold tortoise shell glasses, and some cool earrings. I’m wearing light makeup and of course, I have impeccable skin and my hair looks great!
Ahhhhhhhh! That’s better! The shitty self-saboteurs are now silent in both my head as I visualize this, and in hers in my vision. No more doubts or fears for either of us – that is what I call success!! That’s the story I’m telling myself right now. That’s what I am seeing. What are you seeing?