Separate the observation from the story
Before a difficult conversation, write down what happened and the meaning you have attached to it. “The last two updates arrived after our agreed deadline” describes an event. “You are not committed to this project” assigns a motive that you may not understand.
Begin with the specific observation and its effect: “When the update arrives after the planning meeting, the team makes decisions without it.” This gives you something concrete to discuss without turning the conversation into a judgment about the person.
Know what you want to understand
Consider what you do not know. Was the deadline understood? Did another priority take over? Was someone waiting on information? Choose an open question that lets the person explain: “Walk me through what happened with the last update.”
Listen before deciding what the answer means. If the person describes competing priorities, ask how those priorities were set. You may discover something you need to clarify as the leader, alongside something they need to do differently.
Make space for their perspective
After you ask, pause. Give the person time to answer instead of adding more examples or explaining why your concern is justified. Reflect back the part you need to check: “You were waiting for the figures, and you thought a complete report was more useful than a partial update. Have I understood?”
Understanding their reasoning does not settle the expectation. It helps you discuss it accurately. You can acknowledge the constraint and still explain why the team needs an update before the meeting.
Leave with a clear next step
“Communicate better” leaves too much open. Agree on an action you can both recognize. For example: “Send the available figures by Thursday afternoon, flag what is missing, and let me know earlier if the deadline is at risk.” Ask what support will make that workable.
Confirm who will do what and when you will review it. Afterward, consider your contribution: Did you describe the concern clearly, learn something useful, and leave the other person with a clear next step?
